A Lee By Any Other Name…

Okay, this may be my deepest, darkest, most solemn confession ever on this blog. I mean, from here on out, it’s just going to be a cakewalk. To be honest, I don’t really know how to bring this up. Should I just come out and say it or start out by saying something on the lighter side and then slowly reveal the moral of the story? Should I even reveal this publicly? I mean I just started this blog and am starting to gain some followers, do I really want to come out of the box with this kind of reveal? Sheesh, this blog thing is so difficult. I mean, so much weighs on what we say, and how we say it. If we say the wrong thing it could be disastrous and saying the right thing sometimes alienates us slaps a big fat stigma on us. Not to be confused with stigmata because I’m not Christ, and I am also not a statue…I do bleed from time to time though…so I am alive…just in case you were wondering.

(Disclaimer: No computers were used in the creation of this blog article…well, okay, maybe one BUT a human told it what to put in it)

Where was I? Oh yeah, so guess I’m just gonna have to come out and say it…

here it comes…

wait for it…

wait for it…

okay, a little bit longer…

tic toc tic toc…

and…

okay, here goes nothing…

I HAVE MULTIPLE CHRISTIANITY DISORDER!

Whew, I feel much better now that I said that. No longer having to hide that white elephant that is in the room (er…internet chat room?????) is a huge weight off my back! Get it? Elephant – weight…bahaha! Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all week!

Anyway, I really do have some serious issues going on. I mean all the signs are there for multiple personality disorder, Christianity style that is. Today I may be Paul, tomorrow Judas, next week I may be John Jacob Junior Hymer Schmitt…cause you know, “his name is my name too”!

So I decided I would come out of hiding today and introduce to my motley crew to you kind folks. I guess if this were on video it might be pretty interesting because they can be a hoot to see in action. But alas, you must deal with the limitations of the written word and use your imagination to get the full experience. Good luck to ya.

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Some days I find myself being taken over by Angry Arthur. Arthur is angry, just in case you didn’t catch that by his name. You cross Arthur and you will get a great big what-for! I mean, Arthur doesn’t take nothing from nobody. It doesn’t matter what personality is in play at the time, if Arthur catches wind of possible injustice he springs into action and takes over. Arthur is known for being a jerk when you cross him. He can say some pretty mean things too. He doesn’t get violent because he is too much of a “Christian” to do that but he will definitely make you feel small and unworthy. The truth is Arthur is the one who feels small and unworthy, that’s why he goes on the defensive. I think Arthur believes that making other people look bad makes him look great. Poor Arthur, he is a rather confused guy and if he could only realize Christ’s perfection is revealed in his weaknesses (2 Cor 12:9), well, I think he would be a lot less angry.

The next character in this personality play, usually can be found hanging back stage in the corner by himself. His name is Shy Guy Brian. Brian rarely ever speaks, which I guess is a blessing compared to Angry Arthur’s tirades. The problem is Brian has a lot to offer but his fear of looking stupid keeps him from participating. He is constantly worried about being made fun of and so he tries to fly under the radar so as not to be seen. Brian will spend his days in the shadow of greatness, never letting the world know what he has to offer, all because of a fear that may or may not be warranted. If Brian could only find he is loved by the creator of the universe, that perfect love would cast out all his fear of rejection (1 Jn 4:18) and he would find the courage to speak the words God has placed in His heart and thereby change the world forever!

While Brian is afraid of being made fun of, should he be, he can always count on, Can’t Hurt Me Hal. You see Hal has decided that the best way to handle being made fun of is to join in the fun. “Sticks and stones may break my bones but your words won’t hurt me if I beat you to it!” When people poke fun at his quirks and inconsistencies Hal just makes a joke about himself. Laughter is the best medicine, they say, and so making people laugh at his self-degrading jokes seems to lessen the blow of them making fun of him. So he goes through his day with the motto, never let them see you hurt and disguises the truth with laughter. The problem is, inside he feels like a complete failure. Poor Hall, He just doesn’t understand how important he is (Ps 37:23-24).

From time to time I have one pop up that I absolutely despise more than the others. That is Harry the Pharisee. Harry knows the Bible very well and doesn’t mind using it to correct the…eh hem…less than knowledgeable statements of others. When a scripture is incorrectly quoted or worse, taken out of context, Harry is quick to “defend the proper exegesis of biblicly sound application and truthful interpretation of the Holy Scriptures and correct doctrine” (Man, that’s an exhausting statement!). With super hero quickness, Harry jumps to the scene and begins releasing the ammunition of his wisdom to those poor schmucks who have “no clue what the Bible actually says”. Like most pharisees, Harry finds his fulfillment in being better than the next guy while not realizing he has completely missed the point of piety! (Isa 29:13) Poor Harry. His is life a destined for disappointment.pharisees

Political Paul is another one I truly can’t stand. You see Paul LOVES to get involved in politics. I’m talking crazy, obsessive, don’t take a shower and wear Depends undergarments in order to watch the 24 hour news channels ALL DAY LONG Crazy! He has actually done just that before in the past and it turned me into a political pain in the butt! (Umm, Paul didn’t do the wear Depends thing, that’s just weird and nasty…jus’ sayin’) Paul knows all the O’Reilly talking points. He is up to speed on the quotes of his favorite political candidate and believes that Jesus is a Republican and all Democrats are being blinded by the devil and heading straight for hell in a 20,000 gallon fuel tanker. Paul is known more for his political views than his faith and doesn’t mind setting his character aside sometimes in order to “fight the good fight” of politics. After all, the answer to this world’s problems is politics…right? I pity Paul’s powerful yet preposterously pitiful pre-occupation with politics (I just did that because I could. haha) Oh if only Paul could see Jesus isn’t concerned about setting up a political kingdom. No, it’s the hearts of men that He wants to sit enthroned on, not an outrageously expensive chair in the Oval Office. (1 Ki 8:58)

Then there are some days when I wake up and find Sad and Lonely Joey has decided I needed a little downer. You see, Joey thrives when life is filled with sadness, throw in the feeling of being alone, whether real or imagined, and Joey is like a kid at Christmas. Well, I guess he’s more like a kid who didn’t get anything for Christmas. He finds fulfillment in compelling me to overlook the beauty in life in order to focus on what might have been, what could have been, or what was – but now isn’t. Joey doesn’t like to look forward to the possibilities but instead focuses on the past…not all of it though, only the hurts. He is known for quarantining complete decades of joy in order to feast on that one solitary moment of hurt. If Joey sees happiness, contentment, and trust, he must spring into action to drive it out. Joey, Joey, Joey, when will you ever learn? (Phi 3:13)

Maybe Next Time Tim is a regular in my day to day life. Tim is always saying there is just no time to worship God. The justification for not reading the Bible or praying is always found in the busyness of life and that’s okay because according to Tim, Jesus said, “I come to give you life and that more abundantly…well, if life keeps us from communing with God then it must be God’s will…right?” You see Tim doesn’t really understand how to apply the Bible to his life because he doesn’t take the time to fill up with it’s sweet instructions (Josh 1:8) and so he keeps wandering in and out of my consciousness distracting me from the very thing that will give me the ability to redeem the time I’m given properly.

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So these are the many (not so) splendid personalities of Lee Lumley. There are more, like Sin-sick Sid, Straddle The Fence Festus, and Judas I-Dont-Care-About-it, but I would have to write this in novel form to fit them in and a book with that many characters would get really difficult to follow. These will just have to do for now and as for that novel…don’t hold your breath because one of my other personalities is Quick to Start, Slow to Finish Frank and if you hold your breath until that guy finishes a book, well, I would lose a follower to suffocation and that would be horrible!

But there they are, the multiple personalities of Lee Lumley. No you know. Have a great day!

Wait…

Hmmm…

I almost forgot…

I guess the truth is I don’t really have Multiple Christianity Disorder. I don’t really have all these other personalities inside my psyche that show up from time to time causing me to do and say less than godly things. I just made that up to hide the ugliness of myself, kind of like when I say“I don’t know where that came from. That’s so not me” when I get caught acting like these crazy characters. Truth be told, there is only one personality inside this brain of mine and unfortunately it is a very flawed one which sometimes doesn’t want to admit he has long way to go to be Christ like. The good thing is Jesus said that if I take up my cross, follow him, to die alongside of him, He would make me new (2 Cor 5:17) and that’s a pretty sweet deal if you ask me. So excuse me while I crucify myself! Do you care to join me?

On a side note, as I am proof reading this out loud I seem to be channeling the voice Tom Bodet of Motel 6’s and so for my salutation I’m just gonna say…

Peace, Love, and we’ll leave the light on for ya!

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p.s. You really should go back and read this in your best Tom Bodet voice. Trust me, it’s stinking awesome!

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