I bet you didn’t know that I have a ministry page of Facebook, Lee Lumley Ministries. I have always used Facebook more as a ministry outlet than personal. That may not be good thing because I don’t interact with people very much. After all, I don’t post pics of my meals, I post some pics of my kids, but I rarely ever just randomly post silly comments or quips. I guess I am just singularly focused on God for the most part. I’ve actually had someone tell me that I need “chill” and think about God less. How can I do that? Not that I’m trying to make myself look like some amazing man, but with all God has done for this wretched man, how can I not make Him my singular focus?
Anyway, one of the things I have noticed lately, as I post things on LLM and people are beginning to interact with me. I have a fear every time I see a notification that someone commented. I worry that someone will say something that proves me to be incorrect and that I will look like a false teacher. That thought almost cripples me at times as I pause before I look at the comment.
Don’t get me wrong, I post nothing without thoroughly studying the subject. I have spent the last five years devoting myself to studying God’s word and although I have a lot more to learn, I feel fairly confident I have a pretty good grasp on it’s truths. Even with that confidence I still check and double check the context of my scriptures before I post anything. And yet, I have a fear being found a fraud.
John Eldridge talks about this in his book Wild at Heart. He says that every man has a fear of being found to be a sham. No matter how confident we project ourselves to be, no matter if we are a successful business man, a pastor, a janitor, or unemployed, deep down, we fear the “truth” will come out, that we are actors portraying ourselves as great men but, in truth, are simply a wannabe, a pretender, an imitator.
That is the fear of every man and that’s how I feel many times. I feel like, one day, history will prove I am not who I seem to be and my ruse will be revealed as a fraud. Maybe this all stems from the fact that my historically true self is still inside me, even after I become a Christian. I mean, think about it. I was born into sin and have a sinful nature that has driven my life up until I became a Christian. At the point of conversion, I began a new life within the old. The old man is passing away and the new man is growing more and more like Christ each day. This inner dichotomy of the soul leads to an interesting struggle when we are doing things for God and boy does Satan love to take his pointy little finger on that spot and twist it until we scream in pain. You see, when our Spirit man follows the path of growth he is on, it is real, true, and honest, but our sinful man sees it and says, “whoa, this ain’t right! That’s not how I roll” and I believe that is where the fear of being found out to be a fake comes from.
I guess that’s where Paul’s exhortation to the Roman’s comes in to play. “for to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace” (Romans 8:6) The carnal mind tells me I’m a fraud because it can only see the past, but the spiritual mind has the privilege of seeing the man of God I am becoming day by day and knows that I am not a fraud but a genuine article of God’s grace and mercy!
Peace, Love, and Awakening!