What Was I Thinking?!!!

Oh boy, now I actually have to write something!……………….

typingI have had three, no, four different blogs in the past seven years. My first blog was called Hope For the Hurting. I decided to begin blogging because I felt God leading me to preach and I figured what better way to prepare for preaching than to start writing. It would teach me how study the subject matter, come up with a central theme, scriptural basis for it, and lay out my case for the listener (or reader). Although I didn’t realize it then, I struggled with depression at that time and so the majority of the posts dealt with hopelessness and thus the title. I wrote some pretty good stuff, if I do say so myself. Most of the posts started out with a fictional story, or parable if you will, I made up to bring the point of the article to light. I must say, those openers were sheer writing genius!

Before long, my life went through a major upheaval as God was removing some junk in my life that had held me back for far too long. I began going through some major changes in my life, both spiritual and physical. It wasn’t long before the focus of that blog changed from hopelessness to becoming a man of God. That is why I changed the name of the blog to Square Watermelons. You see, a square watermelon is grown in Japan by putting a small watermelon in a box while it is growing. As it grows larger, the box causes it to grow into a square shape instead of the natural oval shape. I remember the day I learned about that in a company training lesson, God nudged my heart and said, Sound familiar? I almost shouted out, “YES!”. (That would have been awkward) You see, that is what God does with us when we become a Christian, He take our “new creation” and puts it in a God-shaped box to cause us to grow into the God-shaped man or woman He wants us to become. I deleted Square Watermelons back last year so you can’t go read it. (Sorry. If I’d of none you were coming, I would have left it up)

Let’s see, the next blog I had was the Divorce Covenant. I began writing that, as you can imagine during my divorce. It was about my determination to “Do Divorce Differently”. I determined early on in my divorce to not let the bitterness and hurt rule my life. I was also going to patiently wait and believe for a resurrected marriage. It was gaining some traction but I began seeing that my writing it was hindering my healing because I was simply in denial of how hurt I truly was. I took it down and quit writing for several years. One of my biggest points of shame from this blog, is the fact that I also gave up on the hope for a restored marriage. Maybe it’s because I realized it was impossible, or maybe it’s because I just didn’t have the courage and strength to wait but it does haunt me from time to time.

A couple of years ago, I felt that familiar stirring in my heart to write again and so I started a blog called Square Christian, Round World. I wrote like five articles…the last being over a year ago…and no more. *hangs head* Eh hem, moving on.

Oh yeah, I also began writing a book! It was great! I was going to call it, Embracing Destruction. (How’s that for an eyebrow raising title? Hmm?) The premise of the book was going to be to see how God uses what we consider destruction to work good in the lives of His children. I wrote like three chapters and then went through a year and a half of deep depression and haven’t picked it up since.

So, as you can see, I have had times of great inspiration when writing seemed almost second nature and times of barren desert when the literary wells were as dry as a gas tank two weeks past it’s last fumes. I’ve had times when my emotional struggles drove me to write and when they mercilessly sat on top of my chest until I recanted of my desire to ever write again!

And here I am, starting another blog, promising to write daily! WHAT…WAS…I…THINKING?!!!!!

But wait, I’m not simply going to pull something out of thin air, I’m going to write about me, my life, how my day went! Seriously? Heck, I find it hard to talk to my girlfriend about my day and make it last for more than 30 seconds.

This is usually how it goes:

Her: How was your day?

Me: It was good.

I did some stuff.

Then I ate lunch and did some more stuff.

Oh, I did go buy a Macchiatto from Dunkin after work!

***chirp, chirp, chirp***

I’m just not a conversationalist by nature. I’m very matter of fact, get to point, move on when it comes to talking…that is unless you get me talking about theology…then I liven up! I mean, my face beams and my chest starts thumping like Thumper’s foot when he saw the pretty little female rabbit on Bambie (at least I think he saw a female rabbit. Not sure. It’s been a long time since I watched that movie) I absolutely love to talk about the Bible and theology, and I love preaching, and teaching. However, I don’t really want this blog to be that type of blog. I don’t want to preach to you but to get to know you…er…well, let you get to know me. I want this to be a very conversational and easy going kind of blog with some theology dispersed here and there throughout. So, I guess I’m just going to have to learn to pay attention to my day.

Hopefully, with the Lord’s help, I will be able to find something of interest each day that will be worthy of my wannabe hero status.

Peace, Love, and Awakening!

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