When You’ve Got Nothing Good to Say, Say Something!

I am sitting here in my recliner where I just finished reading a few chapters in the book of Isaiah which is one of my favorite books, just sayin’. I have a big, soft, fluffy blanket laying over my legs which my girlfriend gave me for Christmas. I have a blanket on my legs in the middle of summer because I like to keep my air on the Turbo Antarctic setting that way I can cozy up in my recliner and read with said blanket over my legs without sweating like an eighty pound super lightweight boxer in the locker room before his fight with Evander Holyfield. I am literally trying to keep my eyes open because it is only eight pm and if I fall asleep now, I will be wide awake in three to four hours and won’t be able to fall back asleep until around three am (I know this from much experience).

typingAs I sit here, with my laptop doing what laptops do, I type something, look at it, backspace to blank screen, type something else, look at it, backspace, rinse and repeat, over and over as my eyes slowly fade to black. It is a very aggravating state and all I keep thinking about is the old saying, “If you don’t have anything good to say, then say nothing at all”

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard this saying. If I had a penny for every time…well, I’d have a lot of good things to say! This blog would have an article for every day and, heck if I hit writer’s block I could simply hire a ghost writer and you all would be none the wiser! But what happens when you want to type the Good News but the words just don’t come?

Let’s face it, there are times when we cannot seem to find the words to say or maybe we have the words floating around in our head but can’t seem to pull them out and put them together in a way that makes a logical progression of thought provoking commentary. Maybe we are tired, frustrated from the day, worried about a future event, insecure about our ability to speak the Good News, or a multitude of other reasons for writer’s block. Maybe, we are just lazy. No matter the maybe, there are hundreds of things that hinder us from proclaiming the Good News, that is if we allow them to hinder us.

The truth is, the Good News is so simple even the most non-eloquent of men can proclaim it. God promises, “My word shall not return to me void but shall accomplish what I please” (Isaiah 55:1…I told you I like Isaiah.) So maybe on these days when writer’s block kicks in, and I seem to have nothing of worth to say, I should ignore that saying and just say something.

The truth is, God loved world so much He sent His son. His son spent His life and ministry healing the sick, raising the dead, and being a friend to the outcast. He then suffered inhumane torture at the hands of the Romans because the religious hypocrites couldn’t stand what He represents…grace. He carried His cross up a hill, willing laid down upon it, felt the excruciating pain as nails were driving into his hands and feet, asked God to forgive those who brought this pain upon Him, died, rose again, and calls us to receive His free gift of salvation asking nothing more than faith and following.

Could it be that writer’s block is simply God’s way of forcing me to depend less upon my (hopefully) eloquent speech and cunning ability to captivate an audience and instead depend upon the foolish simplicity of the Gospel message?

Maybe, when it comes to proclaiming the Good News, my motto should be, “If you don’t have anything good say, say something!” because even a rehashed, slightly uninspired, retelling of the greatest story ever told is going to bring beauty into the lives of the hurting!

Well, would you look at that, it is now 9:23 pm so…

Peace, Love, and Awakening!

The Saint, The Sinner, and the Sanctimonious

Luke 7:38  “…and she began to wash His feet with her tears, and wiped them with the hair of her head…”
She was in town that day and expected it to be just another normal day filled with looks of disdain and judgmental whispers.  “There’s she is!” They would sneer. “She’s so immoral. I don’t believe she has the audacity to even show her face? She’s such an embarrassment to our town”.  She expected this because that was her day to day experience. She was used to being avoided and honestly was glad she was because her guilt kept her so wrapped up that she truly believed she didn’t deserve to be “accepted”.  She thought “after all I’ve done why anyone want to be around me”. 
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As she walked around town she noticed something was different this day.  The usual looks she was accustomed to receiving were not being cast in her direction.  She overheard whispers but this time they weren’t about her.  “Jesus is at Simon’s house” they said,  “I heard he healed the lame and raised the dead”.  She stood at a distance, scared to draw attention to herself but she was close enough to hear things like, “He’s a prophet…a teacher…messiah”. 
She had heard about Jesus before and was surprised that he taught his followers not to judge others for their sins but to love them and even to forgive them.  There was something different about this man and she felt something inside her crying out to know more.  She had to meet him but how?  Simon was a Pharisee and she a sinner.  Jesus was having dinner with the people who had spoken so harshly about her for so long.  She knew she wouldn’t be welcome there.  She knew she was “good enough” but something told her that HE was.  She felt in her heart that if she could just get in the door he could offer her some hope. 
She thought to herself “Maybe if I gave him something He would speak to me.  I don’t know why but I just feel like His word’s will bring peace to my heart.  I’ve got to meet this man”  She ran home and grabbed the alabaster box filled with precious ointment she keeps under her bed.  This was the only thing of value she had.  As she ran back into town she remembered the day she was given this precious box.
 
Her father made the box for her when she was a child and spent a years salary to purchase the ointment locked inside.  She remembers smelling the sweet fragrance when he and her mother gave it to her on that special day.  Her father told her that one day she would meet a man who would love her and he would marry her and she would wear this fragrance for him. The joy of that memory didn’t last long before the guilt set in again and she remember all the times she secretly opened the box to use just a tiny amount for men she thought were “the one” only to find out they weren’t.  She hoped that this man would be different.  She prayed “God if you’re listening to me please let this man be what I believe him to be”.  “Don’t let me be wrong again”
As she drew closer to Simon’s house her heart began to race wildly.  She began to become painfully aware of every heartbeat and breathing became labored.  She felt like something was going to happen but she didn’t know what.  Would this be the best day of her life or the worst? 
It’s then that feelings of fear and dread began to overcome her.  “What will they do when they see me?  Will Simon kick me out?  Will Jesus refuse to let me near Him?  Maybe He’s like all the rest. Maybe He will stone me!” she thought.  This horror caused her to slow her pace for a minute thinking about turning back but something inside said “keep going!”  so she continued on running as fast as she could. 
When she reached the door to Simon’s house she saw Jesus sitting at the table eating.  She ran to him and fell at His feet crying.  She couldn’t speak for the tears that were falling.  Suddenly she realized her tears were falling on His feet and then a feeling of dread came over her.  She thought, “I’m a sinner and this man is a prophet from God.  My tears have touched him and made him unclean.  What if he gets angry with me.  I can’t handle another rejection.  Oh God, what have I done?”.  She quickly looked around for a towel to wipe His feet with but there wasn’t one.  She had to remove her tears from him but how?  She couldn’t use her hands they were dirty too. 
She finally decided to let her hair down.  She leaned over and wiped His feet with her hair to dry them off.  Something about doing that made her feel better.  It was as if she felt connected to Him.  Her heart began to feel a little less empty.
It was at that moment that something came over her, a feeling she had not felt since she sat on her dad’s lap and fell asleep as a little girl before bed time.  She felt safe.  She felt loved.  She felt…accepted.  She couldn’t explain it but it was there and she was grateful. 
In an act of unashamed worship she broke open the alabastar box and poured it on Jesus and continued wiping His feet with her hair.
You could hear a gasp as the people in the room saw what she had done. They began to whisper “Why is this sinner touching Jesus?” “Why is she waisting such expensive ointment that could be used to feed the poor?” but this time she didn’t let the whispers cause her to be ashamed.  She had found a man God sent to her, a man who made her feel loved and adored and she didn’t care what anyone else thought.  She was going to lay it all out for him.  All that mattered in this moment was letting Jesus know that she was grateful for His love!
What an amazing story.  The sinner and the Savior.  The humbled and the exalted.  The problem child and the one who holds the answers to the problem!
Mary’s act of worship was hated in the world’s eyes but adored by the eyes that saw past her faults to the potential in her heart.  Simon was disgusted by this woman.  She was a sinner, an immoral woman who was the opposite of everything he “professed” to be and Jesus was allowing her to touch Him.  I’m sure in Simon’s pharisee mindset holiness was not supposed to be touched by sinful people.  God is supposed to hide behind the veil and sin could not stand in it’s presence.  At that time Simon probably made up his mind about Jesus and couldn’t wait to go back to the temple and tell them all about this.  You see even though Simon and his Pharisee friends proclaimed to be clean in reality they were just as dirty as this immoral woman.  Only their dirt came from a different plot of land.  The land called hypocrisy.
Simon didn’t realize that Jesus was there to take our sins on himself.  The veil that separated us from God was about to be ripped by the power of the Spirit that would free us from our sins!
Simon had the opportunity to honor Jesus but he chose not to.  It was customary in that time for owner of the house to have a servant wash guest’s feet before they entered the house.  Simon didn’t do this, according to Jesus, which would have been considered an insult in that time.  Mary did with her tears.
Now it would be easy to look at Simon and judge him.  After all, he’s a Pharisee but what about the others at the feast?  The disciples were there as well.  None of them offered to get water to wash their Lord’s feet either.  They were too busy enjoying the meal set before them, the blessings of the ministry, to be concerned with something that is reserved for the lowest of servants.  It’s possible to spend our time focusing so much on the “important” things that we forget to worship which ultimately is the important thing.  The disciples were focused on what was being done for them and not on what they could do for God.  I wonder if the disciples remembered this night at the last supper during the Passover feast when Jesus got on his knees and washed their feet.
God desires us to worship him.  He loves nothing more than when a child forgets about the world around them and risks making a fool out of themselves in order to show their love for Him.  Mary did just that.
What do you have in your life that you cherish?  Your reputation? Your career? Your talents?  Do you hide them under your bed to keep them safe pulling them out periodically to stare at them with pride and clean them up.
Is touching Jesus’ heart so important to you that you would be willing to break open the box that you’ve cherished so long and “waste” it by pouring it on Jesus and saying “Here you go Lord, this is all I have to give”.
Peace, Love, and Awakening!
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And God Waits…

I am exhausted. I was awake for twenty-two hours yesterday. Twenty of those hours were spent either working or driving to and from job sites. I left my house yesterday at 6:45 am and got home this morning at 4:00 am. It is currently 9:46 am and I have been up since 7:00 so I am operating off of three hours sleep. Never mind the fact that I only got four hours sleep the night before. I will say it again, I am exhausted! I’m also frustrated, a little moody…eh, angry might be a better word, and confused out of my mind. I mean, I seriously can’t think straight.

It began early this morning as we were making the three hour drive home. The route we took went straight through the town I lived in for six years and much of it was the exact route I drove for two years to and from work every day as we were working right next door to one of my former stores. Yet, I could not keep my bearings straight. This was not good considering I was the ship’s navigator so to speak. A couple of times we had to stop, turn around, and get back on course. GPS might would have been a better navigator but, “don’t worry I know this town like the back of my hand!”. Lol!

We stopped at one point to buy some coffee. I am certain the cashier probably thought I was smashed of my gourd from alcohol. I was swaying to and fro as I walked, my speech was slow and a bit slurred, and when he handed me my bag, I dropped it on the floor. It was not a good night for me…though my coworkers had quite a laugh, I’m sure.

What to do? What to do? Continue reading

Drowning Is Not The End

drowning

Photo courtesy: Patheos.com

So if you’ve read my first entry on this blog, The Most Narcissistic Blog Ever, then you know that my heart desires to be one of the sparks that ignites the next great awakening in this country. I long for that like my body longs for water on mid July summer day in the Georgia humidity. I cannot successfully put together the sufficient words to explain how desperate my heart is to see this happen. God forbid it be to make my name famous, I assure you, that is not the case, but I have such a desire to be more than I am presently able to be, to be such a force for the kingdom of God that my legacy will not be a string of accomplishments, save the singular accomplishment of making Jesus famous!

The question is, do I have the faith it takes to be that kind of force in the Kingdom of God? Continue reading

I want to be That Man, but…

 

 

Super Man Boy

I was writing an article tonight and remember this post I did on another blog a little over two years ago which fits in with the theme of Wannabe Hero. I thought I would repost it on here. By way of explanation, I was in the middle of about a year and a half long depression and this was my first post of 2014.

Since this is my first post of 2014, I thought that I would go with the expected and talk about my new year’s resolution. I know, very original huh? Anyway, there is something about beginning a new year that makes us evaluate ourselves. We tend to take a look at where we are at and make decisions on where we want to be this time next year. My new years resolution, however, isn’t your typical goal. I don’t care about losing weight. I’m not resolving to make more money this year, although I pray I do because this has been the worst year for me economically since I first began working 22 years ago. My goal is not even something that will be able to be quantified in the next 365 days but it is a burning passion in my heart that I have to work toward.
I don’t think I have ever consciously made a new years resolution. At least, if I did, I must not have been too serious about it because I don’t even remember failing to achieve it. Since I am a person who constantly beats himself up over failure I believe it’s safe to assume my inability to remember a failed resolution means that I never made one. However, I have been reading Craig Groeschel’s book Fight and a few nights ago I read something that slapped me upside the head and screamed, “That’s it! That’s your new years resolution!” I actually cried when I read it because it mirrored the cry of my heart for the last two years.

In the book Craig tells a story of the young D.L. Moody having lunch with Henry Varley. At some point during the meet, Varley looked at Moody and said, “Moody, the world has yet to see what God will do with a man who is totally consecrated to Him”. It is said that these words pierced Moody’s soul and he could not get them out of his mind. He thought about them for weeks and then finally proclaimed, “I will be that man! If God is looking for a man of integrity, a man of honor and courage and faithfulness, with God’s help, I will be such a man!” Groeschel went on to say, “You can do this. Our twenty-first-century has yet to see what God will do through a man whose heart is surrendered to him. You could be that man.”
As I read this account, tears came to my eyes because that has been my prayer for two years. I have petitioned God to let me be the spark that starts the last great awakening before He returns. I have asked God to turn me into such a man of God that the world is different when I’m gone. I want to be my generation’s D.L. Moody, A.W. Tozer, Charles Spurgeon, Charles Wesley, John Wesley, Billy Graham or the many other men who made a positive mark on this world for the Kingdom of God.
I want to be that man, but…

Continue reading

The Missing Ingredient (in my grace cake)

Before I dive into the scrumptious goodness of this article (sorry I couldn’t resist), I feel I must tell you what it is not about. The title may bring a lot of preconceived ideas to your mind. Well, let me clear some things up. This is not an article about the woes of mega-Church preachers. I will not be bashing the guy wCake2ho smiles big and squints his eyes or the wiry little fellow who speaks with an Asian accent. I am not here to talk about the perceived heresy of those who preach grace and decry their failure (according to my standards) to preach on the subject of sin. If you were excited when you saw this article thinking that is what it is about then go ahead and click off of this page. You will find no sympathy for your cause here.

You see, this article is not about “them”, it’s about “me” and, though oddly narcissistic, that is the way it should be. Galatians 6:4-5 says, “But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For each one shall bear his own load” (emphasis mine). That is the problem we have these days, it is popular to point out the supposed sins of others, especially the mega churches. The problem with this is if we focus solely on “their” sins then the only sins we are actually responsible for, OURS, will slip into the background and mercilessly destroy us, one day at a time! Are we supposed to confront sin in others? You dang skippy! But that can only be done once we have dealt with our issues (Matthew 7:3-5) So, why all the hub bub about Dangerous Grace?
Because a few years back, I found myself slipping into a very dangerous place. Back in 2012 I began a new journey in my life. Reeling from the pain of losing my sister to death, my marriage to divorce, my financial security to all out meltdown, and my identity to confusion and idolatry, I was at the place God loves to bring us; complete and total brokenness. He loves to get us to this point, not because He is a maniacal deity looking to wreak havoc in our lives, but because this is where our futile strength and defenses are wiped out and we are now open to receive the truth that He wants to give us and dish out a healthy dose of truth is exactly what He did.
Over the next months and years I began, through an insatiable hunger for Bible study, to see the truth of God’s Grace unfold before me. I began making a shift from the extremely legalistic ideas I had grown up believing to that of a Grace that frees me to realize ALL my sins are covered under the singular act of Christ’s death on the cross, the “It is finished!” of the cross.
As truth unfolded I began realizing:
– I am completely secure in His hands and, as John 10:28 says, “neither shall anyone snatch them out of my hand” (“anyone” includes me and my choices)
– I am righteous, not because of my actions but His (Hebrews 10:14).
– I no longer have to ask His forgiveness for my sins in order to “continue being
saved” because He doesn’t even remember them (Hebrews 10:17).
– It is God who changes my actions and my heart because I am powerless to do
so (Philippians 2:13).
– I am not a “sinner saved by grace”. I WAS a sinner but Grace saved me and now
I am a saint, despite what my occasional failures seem to declare (1 Corinthians 5:17, Romans 6:6)
– My biggest problem is not sin but “reckon[ing] myself dead to sin” (Romans 6:11)
– I am righteous and it is not because of my actions but Christ’s (Romans 5:19)
In my previous blogs I regularly posted articles that proclaim the burden for righteousness doesn’t lie on our shoulders because Christ has already died to make us righteous, we simply need to focus on loving Him and learning about Him. The more we love Him, the easier it becomes to live a life of righteousness (1 John 5:3). So, this article is not a confession of me repenting of my posts over the last few years. Those articles are true and are very heavily based in a in depth study of God’s word. My focus on this blog will not change. Lee Lumley Ministries motto has been and always will be “Proclaiming the simplicity of Righteousness”.
With that said, I began noticing some things creeping back into my life that I knew were not pleasing to God. I found myself saying things, thinking things and doing things I thought I had long overcome. When sin raised it’s ugly head, I have recited my beliefs stated above, reminded myself I am secure, righteous, forgiven and that God is the one who makes it possible for me to change. Yet, there I was seeing little sins turn into a slightly bigger sins, then into much bigger sins and so on. Each time, I would feel sorry for them and desire to not do them again. I knew they were wrong and wanted to live a Godly life but I was slowly slipping back into the land of slavery to sin.
One day I asked God what had changed, why was I beginning to fall back into old habits and He decided to answer through an article titled We Should Be Weeping  by Jared Mulvihill on desiringgod.org. As I read it, I felt Holy Spirit saying, “This is your problem”.
The Missing Ingredient in my Grace Cake
I remember, when I was kid, begging my mom to make me a cake but she told me she was out of baking powder. Well, I didn’t care if she used baby powder, I wanted cake and since I could be very, eh hem, “persuasive” at that age, she gave in and made a baking-powder-less cake. You can imagine how that turned out. In case you’re not familiar with baking, baking powder is what makes the cake rise so my incorrectly prepared cake was flat and hard. That is much like what had been happening in my life recently. You see, in order for Grace to be effective, you must to have all the ingredients and my Grace Cake was missing a very important ingredient. As a result my righteousness was not rising
As I read that article I realized the ingredient I was missing that was keeping my righteousness from rising was repentance and the reason I was not repentant was because I had lost my sorrow for sin. Don’t get me wrong, I felt bad about it and knew it was wrong. I even wanted to overcome it and took steps toward victory but my Dangerous Grace was keeping me from the power needed to “rise toward righteousness. I had become so focused on “It’s by His power and not mine” that I had lost that deep, Godly sorrow for my sins. With a blinding fixation on God’s unfailing love and mercy I failed to remember the pain I caused the Lover of my Soul each time I sinned. My Grace was flat and hard and quite honestly, not very appetizing.
Let me stop here and say there is a difference between our spirit’s righteousness, which is complete the moment we surrender to Christ,  and our flesh’s righteousness which is a slow progression toward righteousness where we, little by little, crush our sin habits under our feet. A.W. Tozer says, “The Red Sea took Israel out of Egypt but the Wilderness took Egypt out of Israel”. It took Israel 40 years to get their lust for the ways of Egypt out of their system and our fleshly righteousness will not be a quick fix either.
I once posted on my Facebook timeline, I posted, “Grace is the key that frees us from the chains that have bound us. Repentance opens the door to a new life of living in righteousness. Holy Spirit enables us with the power needed to cross over the threshold and walk in that new life”. You see I knew Grace had freed me and I knew Holy Spirit empowered me to live righteously but I forgot that without repentance I would keep walking into a closed door. The new life I so longed for was just a matter of inches away but I couldn’t reach because of that closed door.
The rest of the day all I could do is think about this and I began asking God to break my heart anew for my sinfulness. Throughout the afternoon as I thought about it, I asked him to renew that Godly sorrow I had experienced three years ago. 2 Corinthians 7:10 says, “For it is godly sorrow that worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of; but the sorrow of the world worketh to death”. You see, I had the sorrow of the world. A sorrow based in head knowledge of the law. I knew what I was doing was wrong but my heart is desperately wicked (Jeremiah 17:9) and still desired to live sinfully and it was killing me. Not that my salvation was in jeopardy but my ability to work for the kingdom, and more importantly my intimacy with God, was being strangled as sin gripped tighter and tighter around my spiritual neck. What I needed was the law that is written on our hearts (Jeremiah 31:33) and that only comes through repentance.
I am proud to say, that God answered my prayer that day through a pretty awesome and providential turn of events. Later that night I was driving in my car to meet a friend and a song came on that stabbed my wicked heart and let the sorrow come gushing out. It was a beautiful moment of Grace that reminded me how amazing God is to orchestrate multiple events to lead up to the day I realize I was missing something. Now, with all the ingredients I need, I can enjoy a nice big slice of Grace!
Peace, Love, and Awakening!
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Maybe I Am a Fraud

 

I bet you didn’t know that I have a ministry page of Facebook, Lee Lumley Ministries. I have always used Facebook more as a ministry outlet than personal. That may not be good thing because I don’t interact with people very much. After all, I don’t post pics of my meals, I post some pics of my kids, but I rarely ever just randomly post silly comments or quips. I guess I am just singularly focused on God for the most part. I’ve actually had someone tell me that I need “chill” and think about God less. How can I do that? Not that Definition of fraudI’m trying to make myself look like some amazing man, but with all God has done for this wretched man, how can I not make Him my singular focus?

Anyway, one of the things I have noticed lately, as I post things on LLM and people are beginning to interact with me. I have a fear every time I see a notification that someone commented. I worry that someone will say something that proves me to be incorrect and that I will look like a false teacher. That thought almost cripples me at times as I pause before I look at the comment.

Don’t get me wrong, I post nothing without thoroughly studying the subject. I have spent the last five years devoting myself to studying God’s word and although I have a lot more to learn, I feel fairly confident I have a pretty good grasp on it’s truths. Even with that confidence I still check and double check the context of my scriptures before I post anything. And yet, I have a fear being found a fraud. Continue reading

Am I Worthy?

photoshop-question-mark-logo-icon-professional21One of my biggest fears is that my life not reflect the words that I speak. Don’t get me wrong, I know that none of us are perfect and have studied enough of the “greats” in our Christian faith to know even the greatest of Christian men are flawed. I am also aware of how God’s grace shows brightest on the backdrop of our weaknesses. But I find myself wondering if my biggest hurdle to becoming a world changing man of God is me, myself, and I.

I read these words this morning, “Let your conduct be worthy of the Gospel of Christ” (Philippians 1:27). We live in such a sloppy grace world today that we all to often do not feel the weight of these words. But, despite what many will tell you, they are very difficult words. I mean, “be worthy of the Gospel”? Really? How can I, a man prone to anger, lust, jealousy, apathy, and a multitude of other flaws be “worthy” of the Gospel? What does it mean to be worthy anyway? Is it even possible? Continue reading

When Daddy Bear Upsets Momma Bear

bearLet’s face it parenting is hard for all of us but for those who have a co-parent who is more like a non-parent it is especially difficult. The anger and frustration that you already have from the break up is compounded many times over when you see your child feeling the same hurt. It is not an easy place to be in and it is even more difficult to navigate through these troubled waters. Let’s face it, when Momma Bear (or Daddy Bear) sees a danger to their kids, hell has no fury that can compare.

The question is, how should Momma and Daddy Bear react when we are Christians? Should our response be tempered by our faith? Continue reading

What Was I Thinking?!!!

Oh boy, now I actually have to write something!……………….

typingI have had three, no, four different blogs in the past seven years. My first blog was called Hope For the Hurting. I decided to begin blogging because I felt God leading me to preach and I figured what better way to prepare for preaching than to start writing. It would teach me how study the subject matter, come up with a central theme, scriptural basis for it, and lay out my case for the listener (or reader). Although I didn’t realize it then, I struggled with depression at that time and so the majority of the posts dealt with hopelessness and thus the title. I wrote some pretty good stuff, if I do say so myself. Most of the posts started out with a fictional story, or parable if you will, I made up to bring the point of the article to light. I must say, those openers were sheer writing genius!

Before long, my life went through a major upheaval as God was removing some junk in my life that had held me back for far too long. I began going through some major changes in my life, both spiritual and physical. It wasn’t long before the focus of that blog changed from hopelessness to becoming a man of God. That is why I changed the name of the blog to Square Watermelons. You see, a square watermelon is grown in Japan by putting a small watermelon in a box while it is growing. As it grows larger, the box causes it to grow into a square shape instead of the natural oval shape. I remember the day I learned about that in a company training lesson, God nudged my heart and said, Sound familiar? I almost shouted out, “YES!”. (That would have been awkward) You see, that is what God does with us when we become a Christian, He take our “new creation” and puts it in a God-shaped box to cause us to grow into the God-shaped man or woman He wants us to become. I deleted Square Watermelons back last year so you can’t go read it. (Sorry. If I’d of none you were coming, I would have left it up)

Let’s see, the next blog I had was the Divorce Covenant. I began writing that, as you can imagine during my divorce. It was about my determination to “Do Divorce Differently”. I determined early on in my divorce to not let the bitterness and hurt rule my life. I was also going to patiently wait and believe for a resurrected marriage. It was gaining some traction but I began seeing that my writing it was hindering my healing because I was simply in denial of how hurt I truly was. I took it down and quit writing for several years. One of my biggest points of shame from this blog, is the fact that I also gave up on the hope for a restored marriage. Maybe it’s because I realized it was impossible, or maybe it’s because I just didn’t have the courage and strength to wait but it does haunt me from time to time.

A couple of years ago, I felt that familiar stirring in my heart to write again and so I started a blog called Square Christian, Round World. I wrote like five articles…the last being over a year ago…and no more. *hangs head* Eh hem, moving on.

Oh yeah, I also began writing a book! It was great! I was going to call it, Embracing Destruction. (How’s that for an eyebrow raising title? Hmm?) The premise of the book was going to be to see how God uses what we consider destruction to work good in the lives of His children. I wrote like three chapters and then went through a year and a half of deep depression and haven’t picked it up since.

So, as you can see, I have had times of great inspiration when writing seemed almost second nature and times of barren desert when the literary wells were as dry as a gas tank two weeks past it’s last fumes. I’ve had times when my emotional struggles drove me to write and when they mercilessly sat on top of my chest until I recanted of my desire to ever write again!

And here I am, starting another blog, promising to write daily! WHAT…WAS…I…THINKING?!!!!!

But wait, I’m not simply going to pull something out of thin air, I’m going to write about me, my life, how my day went! Seriously? Heck, I find it hard to talk to my girlfriend about my day and make it last for more than 30 seconds.

This is usually how it goes:

Her: How was your day?

Me: It was good.

I did some stuff.

Then I ate lunch and did some more stuff.

Oh, I did go buy a Macchiatto from Dunkin after work!

***chirp, chirp, chirp***

I’m just not a conversationalist by nature. I’m very matter of fact, get to point, move on when it comes to talking…that is unless you get me talking about theology…then I liven up! I mean, my face beams and my chest starts thumping like Thumper’s foot when he saw the pretty little female rabbit on Bambie (at least I think he saw a female rabbit. Not sure. It’s been a long time since I watched that movie) I absolutely love to talk about the Bible and theology, and I love preaching, and teaching. However, I don’t really want this blog to be that type of blog. I don’t want to preach to you but to get to know you…er…well, let you get to know me. I want this to be a very conversational and easy going kind of blog with some theology dispersed here and there throughout. So, I guess I’m just going to have to learn to pay attention to my day.

Hopefully, with the Lord’s help, I will be able to find something of interest each day that will be worthy of my wannabe hero status.

Peace, Love, and Awakening!

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